A message from stranger195 MP

So long, New Zealand.

From Southern, to Manukau and everything in between, my political career in this country cannot continue due to health issues.

I don’t know where to start, since a lot of my career is just being a loyal Nat minion following the lead of Porp, Fresh, Gregor, Winston, or whoever managed to rule the right.

I started just before the fifth general election that happened post-reform that made us have elections every 3 months. I lost Southern, an electorate Sir Fresh3001 sent me to. I had no experience in politics, but I did however had parts of my life in all kinds of lifestyles (urban, surburban and rural).

There was a friendly rivalry between me and Youmaton, who was also someone new and was just sent by Labour to run in Southern back in GEV.

I’ve always felt like an odd one out in the Nats, with our website at one time listing half the party as a liberal caucus, the TVC as it was called then the conservative caucus, and myself as the only one in “other prominent members of the party*.

I kept losing Southern, eventually winning it only when Ms. Youmaton retired for the first time if I remember correctly. That win came mostly from name recognition and nothing else.

What did I really accomplish as a list MP anyway? Some motion about seafishing or whatever that was written to me completely by Porp? Probably add other bills the strong Fresh/Porp team sent me.

When Sober_King_Robert came, I felt like I was in big trouble. She crushed me in debates, despite me not wanting to admit it then, because I had a track record of just “vote with the whip”. Although she was clearly a lunatic, she was passionate and was way more charismatic than I was on the campaign trail.

I still won, as I did against Labour leader lieselta, who if I’m getting it right was a nobody back then. I won against SKR mostly just for the fact that I’m not an extremist, though I will say I did kinda sympathize and want to do something about immigration in this country.

(SKR eventually won Southern, the last MP before the EC axed it altogether. I wonder what a BloodyChrome Southern MP would’ve looked like?)

Then there’s the WW thing, or maybe it was after Gregor took control of the right-wing? I don’t exactly remember, but that was actually a pretty sad moment for me. That was when, if I’m not wrong, FinePorpoise had all but resigned, PM_ME_CHRETIEN had no skills at suddenly managing a government party, and WW3 was pushing for a disastrous Muldoonite bill that would allow a Minister to dictate if a housing projecr gets built. Though once again, I was completely silent, hoping that staying united, that could’ve been our chance to win Government again.

Somewhere along the Nat collapse and subsequent Green surge, Gregor offered me the position of Leader of ACT, which sounded great at first but then…

He pulled me through ridiculous hair-brained schemes with the left! First the Green-Labour-ACT left-wing budget, which I believe would probably count as one of my accomplishments, then the ACTL attempt which I hated but never spoke out on, (I even tried justifying it on Twitter with the circular argument “ACT supported it 100%, because it’s good for ACT, because ACT supported it 100%* or something like that)

(If I ever fail to remember the correct order, my brain must be lost in Japan.)

Then what? I went through terms serving as Leader of the Opposition for an ever-popular government, that is, near the Lib-Nat merger, Gregor went inactive due to personal issues I think. I started whipping MPs myself, and from then on, I took a more active role in the party. When Toastin asked to be included in the whip, I whipped hard to limit the number of Liberal MPs failing to vote (mostly to little effect).

But that only gets better. When I suddenly submitted a VONC at the request of Saturn and the Feminists (ironically now controlling government party Labour), I almost got that PootisPower backbencher from Kiwi to vote aye! If only I had whipped earlier – it was only a matter of time before the division went and they weren’t able to go to Wellington in time.

(On a sidenote, a rumour came that my application for the Electoral Commission was going to be accepted. It wasn’t, but that didn’t stop Gregor_The_Beggar from delivering some of the kindest words I’ve ever heard.)

Then WW4 came and went with an assassination. Gregor and Winston decided to merge since WW had brought with him politically young, energetic conservatives that led to us having more resources than ever before.

With Nelson at the helm after his assassination, we thought it was gonna be great. He was, after all, the other brain behind that amazingly engineered Shadow Budget – first of its kind in recent NZ politics.

And now as he struggles with his personal life, I’m once again at the helm. For once, I did something else other than whipping (which I feel like I’m really good at), which is write some bills for myself and my friends. I already did once – the Regional Amenities Amendment one that’s been sitting in the biscuit tin since late June – but it becomes a habit when you do it a second time. So I did write and format one with the help of former MPs, and I submitted it – a Youth Justice Demerit Points system.

I was going to write two for Riley (who roleplayed as a communist candidate to split the left vote, before being a Nat but that’s a story for another day), and one for BestinBounds, but then, this unfortunate accident happened.

So, with me basically unable to do anything properly, I thought maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to keep serving as, as a colleague said, an MP for the electorate of List.

If not resign now, when? I sacrificed my business and my non-politics career for joining politics, and if I don’t retire now, will I be a pollie til I die? What’s Holding Me Back?

My career is basically wrapped up to “serving too much while doing too little”, a feature of New Zealand’s MMP system which rewards loyal party backbenchers with eternal list seats. I had a wild one and a half year, going from Nat backbencher to representative for New ACT to ending it seemingly with a whimper, losing my feature in the PPM to witnessing what may look like a rising movement again.

But part of me still believes I could’ve done more if I actually led a party. Who knows what could’ve happen…

But please, when you look at the list of bills and motions I submitted below, as taken from parliament.nz records, remember the good and the bad – including that time when I celebrated on Twitter when Shawn Mendes won at the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards.

And imnofox (not the current lunatic one) hearted it.

Legislation submitted